Did that get your attention? I don’t know why the universe gifted me with pukers, but it did.

I know what your thinking, all kids puke. Apparently not. I have friends whose kids maybe have thrown up twice in their life and they are three to four years old. I was shocked at this since I can’t even begin to count how many times my two have graced my shirt, floor or car with their special talent (not to brag or anything). Before you go on to think anything, I did take them both to the doctor to have them checked out and all I got was “some kids are pukers, they’ll grow out of it”. Awesome.

My oldest was around six months when her talent started to shine. Just starting to eat food she would gag, choke and up it comes, no big deal. Clean it up and move on. If she got a cold with a cough, look out, she would be puking for sure. Long car rides, puke. Fast forward to twenty months and she suddenly decided her crib was not the crib for her. Every night we put her in she would scream, scream till she puked. I felt horrible, I felt like such a terrible mom making my kid sleep in her crib, so much so that she would get so upset that she puked. She literally did this for twenty one days straight. That’s right, twenty one flippin’ days.

Then it happened. I saw the master of all manipulations…the utmost shock ever. My twenty month old had the ability to make herself puke to get her own way. W.T.F. Yup. Make herself puke is her party trick. Not sure if this one will get her far in a career, but it got her out of her crib and into a bed much earlier than we ever had planned (not that we plan anything…let’s be honest here).

Now let me talk about my darling youngest. The jury is still out on whether she can willingly make herself puke or if she just has an immature gag reflex. Obviously I’m hoping for the latter. She is the same as her sister though. Colds, car rides, and choking all end in the same mess. The other day she was horsing around, choked on her spit and puked up everything. Who knew that could even happen? She is still “young” and therefore we have high hopes that she has a different party trick buried deep inside her.

I have not only cleaned up puke countless times, been puked on, washed the car seats so many times that you would cry for me, but also turned my eye numerous times while my dog ‘helps’ me.

Don’t judge.

We are pros, my hubby and I. We have a system, we each have our role and we know what is expected. When one kid pukes we go straight to our jobs without even talking and we get it done. My sister once watched in amazement and was stunned at our performance. That is when you know you married the right person, when you both clean up puke in under ten minutes and are back doing whatever it was you were doing before (even if it was eating) because of one word; survival.

The best part about having pukers…wait, there is no best part. BUT if I were to let one thing sparkle from this mess (because it sure isn’t my floors) when they do puke they just rally and go back to whatever it was they were doing before. We call them the “puke and rally” sisters. We probably should worry come their college years.

…Hell let’s be honest with ourselves, their high school years!

Ps: I can sub out my dog for coffee or wine (I prefer wine) if you need a fast clean 😉